Welcome, Bitizens! I’ve been killing time recently with an app called Bitlife. I’ve written about it before on my site but Bitlife is perhaps the zaniest mobile game on the App Store. It allows players to live out their best (or worst!) lives imaginable. Want to be a CEO racking in billions of dollars from a start-up business turned entrepreneurial empire? Bitlife has you covered. Want to join the mob and become the Godfather? You can do that in Bitlife. Want to become a famous TV actor and appear only in soap operas? You can do that too.
Anything goes in Bitlife, which means players can cook up some spicy scenarios—like the one I did last night. You see, I wanted to become rich…but not in a conventional way. What kind of fun is that? Instead, I became a Black Widow, married several husbands, murdered them (sorry guys), collected my inheritance, and treated myself to a life a luxury every Black Widow can only dream of. Debbie Jelinsky is one of my favorite villains from the film Addams Family Values and recreating her in Bitlife sounds like a blast.
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So let’s dive into my infamous life as a Black Widow. I’ll give you some tips and tricks along the way so you can try this too. The goal: become as rich as possible by killing all your husbands. Don’t get caught, spend lots of money on jewelry, and practice your grieving face in the mirror. This is super informal and I just wanted to have some fun. Let’s go!
Say “hello” to our Black Widow, Debbie Jelinsky! Make sure you have 100% looks when you start the game—gotta make those men fall in love!
My mother married a guy named Nathan Trump. He’s definitely going to die. And oh no! He has a son, which means competition for the inheritance.
I’ll wait for my stepbrother Andreas to age out of childhood and then I will..
I aged Debbie until she hit 18 years old. Then I went on the dating app, found a rich hubby, and…
Oh no….The police caught me 😦
But you can’t keep a Black Widow down.
Debbie fled the country.
And found a second husband.
He has a stepson unfortunately, so you know what that means!
Debbie tried to murder her stepson so she would be the only beneficiary of her husband’s estate…but she failed and then she was caught! Remember, poisoning and drive-by are the easiest methods of murder. I just like to shake things up sometimes…we don’t want to get too predictable.
The justice system prevailed!
After Debbie murdered her current husband and his son, she found herself a new man.
Let’s just say their union did not last.
What is this? Husband number six?
Silly step-children. Always getting in the way of Mommy’s inheritance.
After Debbie killed her stepson, she poisoned her husband.
Time for a new man!
Oh no. He died before Debbie could kill him.
Well that was easy! Time for another rich hubby.
At this point, I think Bitlife is killing my husbands for me because I had nothing to do with his death this time.
We are on a roll!
Honestly this could’ve been the Wicked Stepmother Challenge because of all the stepchildren Debbie’s had to kill.
No way…A crime family invited Debbie to join them! I did not see this coming. I guess they’ve been keeping track of our body count.
Unfortunately, the mob scene is not for Debbie. She’s more of an independent contractor. Anyway, it didn’t take long for the police to arrest me. Luckily, they offered me a deal:
Collecting evidence against the Family is not hard, but it is dangerous.
Ivan the Bear really thought he’d get the best of Debbie Jelinsky. Guess she showed him.
Even though Debbie killed one of their members and is an informant, the Family offered to make her a “made woman.”
After a couple of years collecting evidence, Debbie fled into witness protection.
A new country….a fresh start….another husband!
However he has a very mean stepdaughter.
But when Debbie tried to kill her, Lea murdered her with a brick. And so ends the exploits of our Black Widow, Debbie Jelinsky.
What a life! We ended up with a net worth of almost $10 million, lived in several countries, murdered 34 people, joined the mob, became a confidential informant, went into witness protection, and bought a TON of jewelry with the hard earned cash of my many husbands. This challenge was a blast. Being evil is so much fun.
Show me your Bitlife Black Widows and let me know how your playthrough goes! For all things Bitlife and pop culture, check out my website. Stay nerdy!